Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Creative Title: Longer Part Of The Creative Title


I have a raging, eyeball bursting headache. It seems like I always have a raging headache these days. It's probably a brain slug. Or my brain is trying to officially escape out of my skull. I was actually supposed to have an MRI recently (because on 2 occasions, it seemed like I stroked out) but it was cancelled because my insurance company needs to be persuaded that it's necessary. Seeing that my nurse practitioner referred me to a neurologist and said neurologist thought an MRI was a good idea...OF COURSE insurance would cancel it. So my brain is probably slowly rotting away in there. Or, more likely, I have complicated migraines that won't get treated. Whichever, I'll deal. I've become a pro at "dealing".

I've been trying to do a little self-tuning lately. I always put my kids first (as I SHOULD) and that sometimes doesn't leave a lot of extra time for mom maintenance so things get put off and I start falling apart from top to bottom. Which is fine but then it all piles up and next thing you know, I'm seeing 800 doctors and I seem like a hypochondriac or like I've got one foot in the grave. Between semesters, I decided to see my nurse practitioner to take care of my check list. It's been more work than I thought.

Right off the bat, I had to deal with this weird insomnia/anxiety thing I've been dealing with since Spencer came home from the hospital last year...actually, we just hit the 1 year anniversary! That is far too long to not sleep. My NP had prescribed something that's actually used for eating disorders but works for insomnia. But it makes you want to eat anything that will stand still all day, every day. So I was constantly eating and running (to counteract the eating), and though it would get me to sleep, it wouldn't keep me asleep and I'd panic for hours about my busy life. I've been seeing a therapist, at the suggestion of my NP, to sort of figure out how to manage my stress. It's been REALLY great and VERY eye-opening. But there isn't much I can cut out of my life to decrease stress. Even she said my life is exhausting. It exhausts her. So I'm going to keep going to therapy but I can't keep taking that med. To really get the proper med for my brand of insomnia, I'll need to see a psychiatrist. Just add it to my list.

On top of all that, 


OK, I started writing this post in September and just never got around to finishing it. I had an MRI, stopped taking the insomnia med (tried another one that sucks just as much so I'm basically in zombie mode and constantly in need of a nap), found out I have a uterine fibroid in a weird place and some ovarian cysts, one of which is bleeding and being annoying overall (we're monitoring all of that jazz for now). I have another ultrasound and check-up in a few weeks, along with a trip to the dermatologist to look at a suspicious freckle or two.

Spencer had a field trip that was a little upsetting for me but I'm not going to talk about it here because it makes me feel like a totally weak, asshole so I've been talking to one of my besties insteadS, he was the Honored Hero and a total superstar at the Light The Night walk (and I didn't botch my speech), and he hit ONE YEAR CANCER FREE! Todd and I celebrated that milestone at a local beer tasting called Brewzilla, and celebrated 5 years of a murder-free marriage last month.  Sylly is so damn smart, it's scary and he balances his time being the sweetest, most loving little boy on Earth and being an utter tornado. And I've spent time with friends, old and new, am doing well in school, preparing for the PFG reunion and a Kalahari trip, and the house is still standing and ready for Halloween.

I had to type this hiding out in the laundry room. There's only a hair appointment and pumpkin carving on the calendar this week. It's the last semi-empty week for awhile so I'm trying to do all the stuff that gets out last. Blogging, organizing cupboards, pairing socks, answering e-mails. I feel a little lost but that could be from lack of sleep. Or just from this life. I could be babbling at this point. Pretty sure I am. Pretty sure I should stop.