Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Riding The Emotional Surf: Bang, Bang, Blather, Rattle, Crash, Bang, Boom!

Someone posted one of those goofball quotes yesterday that really struck a chord/cord (not sure which) with me: Never push a loyal person to the point where they no longer give a damn.

I feel like I'm there. In No-Longer-Give-A-Damn-Ville. It's a bad place to be. It's a place where you just throw your hands up and say WHATEVER to the world. Where things that should upset you or excite you or enrage you just sort of make you shrug your shoulders and truck on. No reaction of note. There are several things that brought me to this place. Some are out of my control and some I just don't have the energy or motivation to work on anymore. It's almost easier to just feel blank. This is all very emotional and wishy-washy and wordy/poetic, which I loathe. But this is how it is right now. I feel like I can't get in front of things so I'm just going to stop and stick my head in the sand for awhile.

Speaking of sand, I made it home safely from Mexico. Didn't get kidnapped by an imposter taxi can that preys/prays (again, I don't know) on travelers. International travel is bananas. Lots of hoops to jump through and it takes a lot out of you, physically...just waiting in lines and getting on and off planes. But I got to spent time in 4 separate airports (LOVE AIRPORTS), get to know a pal better, and get a stamp in my passport! I hope it isn't the last (I'm coming for you next, London). I ate a lot of good food, I drank a lot of good drinks, I had a lot of good conversations, and I spent some memorable time under an umbrella, poolside, reading "Most Talkative" by Andy Cohen. Eating, drinking, and lounging are vacation staples. Downsides? Realizing that I get just asmotion sick now as I did as a kid, not knowing when I'll see Lisa again, and missing my little dudes PAINFULLY. My next vacation will include them...hopefully next Spring in Disney World.

I'm wrapping up the school semester and if all goes my way, I'll have straight A's. Im pretty excited about that and have been getting a few pats-on-the-back from my professors. I'm not bragging, they just came at a time when I felt like I was screwing everything up all over the place. Encouragment is good stuff, especially from strangers who don't HAVE to give it to you. My 3 week break from school is going to be the exact opposite of a break. I think I have 7 appointments scheduled between Spencer and myself during that time (including being a speaker at a Light The Night fundraising event). Have to cram it all in before Spence starts his new preschool! Next Wednesday is his last day of the Early Intervention program which makes me as emotional as Robot Me can be right now. He has come suuuuuuuuch a long way since starting there. Walking, now running, doing steps, talking more...still the hardest working guy I know. And he's going to be 3 next week!!! But HE. WAS. JUST. BORN! 

And Sully...my little hurricane. He is such a charmer and so damn smart. When I say he's 22 months, people are shocked. His personality is larger than life. He is larger than life! He knows what he likes, what he doesn't, and how to get his way. He's sneaky. He's crafty. He's curious. He's my red pepper, for sure, and he's full of love. During this period of...ennui?...he always knows the right time to dole out hugs and kisses. He knows went to put a pause on the crazy and do a little bonding. He's a mama's boy and I can't imagine my life without him. In less than 2 years, I've experienced so much with him. I love watching his mind work. I don't love when he spits at me. That's just disgusting. But sometimes he has to play second fiddle to Spence. Sometimes I feel like he gets gypped. Sometimes I'm guilty of gypping him. So maybe he acts out because of it. Or maybe he is just a 2 year old red head!!! Either way, he is the adventure in my life.

Talking about them makes my heart full.

Now I need to go make my belly full.

And watch Rocky. For school. For real.

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