Spencer has a lot of appointments and while they aren't very convenient and can be a little overwhelming, I do enjoy a few them (NOT his trips to the Hematology/Oncology clinic...those appointments always end in lunch or something to make mommy feel better cause they weaken me). They reinforce the fact that Spencer is doing fantastic in the development department. They serve as a reminder that everything is going swimmingly and we should be proud.
And we ARE proud. I'm a proud mama.
I've talked pretty openly about Spencer's Leukemia-related bulllllshit but have kept a lot of his developmental issues to myself. In all honesty, there's not TOO much to say because he's right in line with all the other 5 month olds out there. In fact, where expressive speech comes into play, he's slightly advanced! Right now, the only thing that can really be commented on is his weak muscle tone but even that hasn't put him behind his peers. Do babies have peers? I'm going with it. Anyway, I don't talk too much about it all because thinking about what struggles he MIGHT have one day causes me great anxiety. And I can't have anxiety about the unknown. But as I'm feeling better little by little, I'm trying to share more and more.
Spencer had one of his in-home, monthly visits yesterday. A nurse comes and checks-in to see if Spencer might benefit from any services as far as his development goes. So far, they only thing he's needed is some Physical Therapy and as I've said before, it's once a month and he's right on track. Preventative. Anyway, at his appointment yesterday, his nurse said that she's seen a lot of babies that share his (potential) struggles but not one with "so much desire to get on the move", to interact, to be entertained, to be physical. He stands out. Do you know HOW GOOD that made me feel? She sees several families a day, all week long, and MY BABY is the one making great strides? PROUD doesn't even describe it.
And I'm a little proud of myself for a change. His nurse said that she knows I read and do research and ask questions, but she said the progress he's made and the bond we have all came naturally. It feels good to be told you're doing well, especially when you question yourself constantly. Am I pushing him enough? Am I working hard enough? Am I slacking off? Is there more I can do? Am I doing too much? Why aren't I doing more? A person could go bananas in these circumstances, but I guess I must be doing alright. I have no choice but to just be an amazing mom for him. I don't plan on slacking in the other areas of my life but if I DID...at least I'm doing THIS right. THIS is what matters.