Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Waiting Game: Wishing For the Capability To Speed Time

Happy 1st Day of Spring, which is tied with Fall as my favorite season.

2 days. Today, tomorrow, and then we have the CVS. I really haven't thought about it too much in a "dwelling" sense. A little here and there but nothing to really freak me out. Even now, I'm MUCH calmer than I thought I'd be. But there's a weird feeling in my chest. I don't know if the nerves are coming or what. Maybe I'll wake up tomorrow and just be a psychotic wreck. I guess we'll have to see.

I'm sort of hoping the my sense of calm means that everything is going to be alright. Todd says it is. I asked him if he really thought that or was trying to convince himself...he said he knows it will be fine and I'll see. And Tessa also believes that everything is fine. She attributed it to the theory of "bad wedding, good marriage". The pregnancy has been rotten so far so the baby will be A-OK. I'm going with Todd and Tessa because they're saying what I want to hear. I don't know if that's healthy but, honestly, I don't feel either way about what might happen.

I have been getting a gut feeling that it's a girl. My gut was right about Spencer.

Another one of the 100 pregnant chicks I know (like I said, if you don't want to breed then don't drink the water in Cleveland...not that I drink water, but you get the point) listed off her potential baby names recently. I think we have our names, potentially at least, but I'm not sure. It's not like with Spencer. I knew for certain I wanted that to be his name and Todd finally came around to it. I have zero regrets about what we named him. I'm not so solid this time around.

Everything is so different about this pregnancy. I feel so disconnected, probably from fear. But at least if we get any bad news (I hope saying that doesn't hex me) we can prepare. But what I'm really hoping is that we'll have the test, they won't be initially suspicious, the results won't show anything funny, and I'll suddenly feel physically fantastic and instantly pregnant and pumped, like I was with Spencer.

I guess we'll see. In 2 days. 2 LONG days.


  1. I am not telling you what you want to hear. I am telling you what I truly believe. :) I never tell you what you want to hear if I don't agree with it. This is why we are such good friends.

    I am also on the girl train.. only a little lady could be giving you this much trouble so early. :)

  2. I didn't mean it like you were trying to appease me. I just so happens that what you say coincides with what I want to hear. 39.5 hours to go.