I'm exhausted from the inside out and I'm definitely experiencing a lot of anxiety. I've been putting off having my prescription filled that my OB/GYN wrote me but it's time to stop putting that off. My heart and stomach are in my throat and I just can't live this way. Not with work, school, and a second biopsy all right around the corner.
Despite my anxiousness, not all of Christmas was a shit show.
Christmas Eve was probably my favorite day of the festivities. There was no pressure. No schedule. The day was laid back and my overworked brain was OFF. We pretty much stayed in our pajamas watching movies with friends and family all day. Goonies, Just Friends, Anchorman, Home Alone...turkey dinner, cocktails, and pie. A short visit from Phoebe (with an Evel Knievel jumpsuit for Sully and Fonzie leather jacket for Spencer) and some picture perfect snowfall just made the day. I wish more days were like that.
After Santa had dropped his loot and we had a few hours alone with Sully on his 1st Christmas, we woke up Spencer and Aiden and started our day. Both my babies were in sweet moods and everyone loved their gifts. It was exactly what I imagined Christmas morning as a mom would be like. But I had anxiety and exhaustion beating me up from head to toe, unfortunately. We went to my sister's for breakfast and then to my mom's par-tay, where another visit from Phoebe temporarily rounded things out for me. Besides a major ass explosion from Sully, both boys were perfection. I'm so happy that they had a good Christmas. It's all I wanted.
When we got home, I had to take a minute to deal with the milk jugs. I'm weaning off the pump and weaning Sully onto formula. It's depressing. I know it's the shift in hormones but I feel like I'm letting him down. When all is said and done, thanks to my frozen supply, he will have gotten the liquid gold for 3.5 months, just like Spencer. And he likes the formula I'm working into his routine. So I need to stop beating myself up about it!! I did the best I could. I probably could keep trying but I don't want to pump at work. It's creepy.
This isn't even really what the story is supposed to be about.
When I came downstairs (after a text saying my boys wanted to see me), I noticed Spencer was holding a little silver bag. I opened it and inside was a frog bead for a Pandora bracelet! I mentioned that I didn't have one and Todd motioned to Sully who also had a silver bag...this one had a fish bead from my little catfish! Then Todd handed me a box that said "Mommy" with the bracelet and 2 beads (an S and a snowflake) inside. It was such a rad surprise!! I'm the last person on the planet who doesn't have one and the way my fellas gave it to me was so cool. It made my night.
Yesterday, it was just me and my little guys and we were stuck at home since it was snowing. Luckily, we had new books, videos, toys, and art supplies to entertain us. I never got out of my pajamas and it was Heaven...besides having a raging headache and a sore throat. I thought about taking Spencer outside for a minute to play in the snow but he was so happy rolling around with his crayons and They Might Be Giants "Here Come The 123s".
So there you have it. Christmas 2012 is over and soon, the year itself will be over. It was a decent year (HELLO SULLY!) up until Spencer's blood count got wacky. And I have a feeling that 2013 is going to be a difficult year but I'm going to hold on to hope. Someone somewhere owes us a break and I'm counting on that. I'm too old to run away from home and haven't quite perfected time travel! My next few days are wide open until New Years Eve so I'm going to do my best to relax. I'm not holding my breath on that one as relaxing is no longer my strong suit. And I used to be such a pro!
Merry Christmas.
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