Spencer had a lot of visitors on Saturday and we were already starting to get into a routine here (which reminds me, I should order up his lunch). He also had some major discomfort from his central line so we got him an "itty bit" of morphine. My little dude was high as a kite which was both hilarious and horrible. They changed the dressing of his central line and he had a few breathing treatments, like you would for asthma. They thought at the time that his throat was irritated from being intubated. He did NOT like the treatments. He was so agitated during one that the central line leaked a little. There was blood on my hands and his pajamas and I cried for the first time. I was just really overwhelmed. But over all, he was doing pretty well. Behaving just like he would any other day. That's important to us.
Sully can visit twice a week for 3 hours so Todd brought him on Sunday. Spencer was in nap mode when he arrived so he didn't get in any quality playtime. I swear he acted like he didn't know who I was. No big smiles like I'm used to. No goofy moose baby. It hurt. Todd sort of shoved me out the door so of have plenty of time with my baby. I ordered dinner from Carrabba's (the salad dressing I like there stinks like death so it's a solo meal), stopped at my parents and went home.
You know things suck when being at your own house feels like a vacation. And while I missed Spencer, I was so, so happy to be home. I really appreciated my house at that moment. Nothing fancy happened...I ate, watched TV, did homework, and Sully and I had a slumber party in the big bed. It just WASN'T the hospital, which was awesome. I just stood in my room for a minute thinking about how good it felt. I should feel worse for being so happy to be home...
After more morning homework and a bath, for my Porkchop, we headed back to Rainbow. I cried the whooooole way there knowing I'd have to say goodbye to my baby and knowing that this is our life for the next 6-7 months. My replacement has been hired at The Coast and while I'm SO happy for her, I had a plan and it didn't work out. Instead of easing out of a job I've had for 5 years on a scheduled date in May with 6 months of money saved, I'm separated from my baby and husband, not contributing financially, watching my son go through chemo. NOT my plan. Not my life, or so it feels.
Spencer had another breathing treatment while I was gone...they suspected croup, or that he was still irritated from intubation. The boys did get to spend some time together but before I knew it, Todd was packing up and I was sobbing. I was really feeling blue for the first time since we got here. My family came to visit which was nice, but my heart hurt and I was distracted. Spencer was starting to act a little run down (because he's getting CHEMO for CANCER) and I was separated from my baby. AND some low life in Canada stole money from our checking account!! Because it happen in another country (pffffft...Canada), it can take 90 days to get back!! I tried to take a math quiz but bombed. My mind just wasn't in it. All I could focus on was the shit storm I was stuck in.
Today was a busy but exciting day. Today was the last day of chemo in this cycle!! Spencer saw a physical therapist, an occupational therapist, and a music therapist (which he loved). A few groups of medical students came in to learn a few things about his central line which was interesting. Little baby doctors. I felt like I was in a Grey's Anatomy episode. Aunt Potsie visited and brought a monkey and awesome jammies. It was good to see a pal.
But despite all the excitement, I saw some changes for the first time. Spencer had to take more breaks when he was playing, frequently laying his head down, and he had no appetite at dinner time. The nurse said for it being Day 4 of chemo, he had done really well. Kids don't typically throw up much anymore but they do lose their appetites. He had a huge breakfast and lunch so skipping one meal won't hurt right now. Just keeping my eye on things. He stayed up pretty late and put in some serious play time so...we'll see. They just came and unhooked all the chemo but sadly, we don't get to home. We have to wait for his numbers to lower (he should bottom out around Tuesday...which is also when side effects can really start) and come back up. I'm REALLY looking forward to being back home with my whole family together.
It's going to be a long 1-2 weeks...