Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Round 3: Another Punch In The Gut and a String Of Long Days

The doctors told Todd on Saturday that Spencer can not recover at home. He has to stay in the hospital while his numbers drop and recover. I knew this was most likely how it was going to go so I'm not sure why I talked myself into anything else. I got my hopes up and they were crushed. I'm not one of those people that believe in PMA anymore. It never works for me. I delegate the PMA to Phoebe. She has to be hopeful on my behalf until I feel less defeated.

Today is day #8 and his ANC is about 750. It has to hit rock bottom and then come back up (recover) to about 220 before they'll let us go home. I'm predicting, in my capacity as a doctor, another 2 weeks.

I'm also predicting a lot of tears cause I'm going batshit crazy here. I miss having my sons together, I miss my husband, I miss my house, real food, running (bet you never thought you'd hear me say that, am I right?). School is out for a few weeks so I don't have homework and studying to keep me busy. I finished my finals yesterday, thanks to a lot of extra support from my parents. I've already read 2 of the Game Of Thrones books for a whopping total of 1,504 pages. I play with Spencer a lot but he's also tired and very independent. He likes to do his own thing while having you close the time is harder to fill and the days are long. I've watched Wreck-It Ralph 3.5 times in 2 days.

They days also looks beautiful and sunny through our window which doesn't help.

I would never survive in jail cause this place is like a palace and I feel trapped.

One thing that's killing me especially slowly is Mother's Day. Some people say it's just a day but I had a GREAT Mother's Day last year. Fantastic Todd set the bar high. And this year, I won't even have both of my babies together. Not that I won't have an amazing day with Sully. It just won't be the same, waking up without Spencer and Todd there. I guess I should be grateful that I'll be at home and not here. Any little break makes such a difference. Even the one extra night I got to sleep in my bed this week was a blessing. But I woke up under my black rain cloud today. Kicking rocks and crossing my arms in a huff.

I've always counted us so lucky that Spencer doesn't behave like a sick kid, never has. He's just his same old sweet, adorable little guy, even if he does throw up here and there and can't get too far since he's hooked up to the IV at times. But this round is knocking his socks off a bit. The actual chemo stopped running on Sunday but he's wiped out. Lots and lots of lonnnnnng naps. And lots of time in mom's lap. It's hard to see my active little guy so beat. We're all beat. AN being beat makes us beat up on each other. And while I may see Sully on the weekends (which is NEVER enough time), I NEVER see Todd. He said yesterday that it hurts and it's true.

But once we get home, we're half way done. There WILL be an end to all of this!

That's basically the scoop. Things have been a little on the boring side this round as far as actual medical events. But boring is good. The PICC line has been working like a dream, there is no evidence of abnormal cells in his bone marrow or spinal fluid, and he hasn't had any fevers. A fever is what will keep us here longer than we need to be and my brain doesn't need to be here ANY LONGER. I'm already planning a type of Pool Party/Open House for when he's home for his next break. I want to celebrate "half way done".

Outside of hospital life, and life with my little red headed Porkchop (who I screwed AGAIN by not posting about his 7 month birthday), I guess I'd say I'm a little boring. I did get out to see Jimbo and Joe's last gig with Lords of the Highway. And there are some fun events like the Slick Devils car show at the drive-in coming up. But nothing will be as fun as when he's out of the joint. I can't say that enough.

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