Thursday, April 12, 2012

Let's Freak Out: Worrying Is What I'm Good At

I randomly Googled "Should I be concerned that I'm not showing yet?" and a bazillion articles about Mitt Romney saying, "I'm not concerned about the very poor" came up. If you were running for President, why would you say something stupid like that out loud and TO THE PRESS? Even if you meant it, that's probably something you should bury deep inside until the election is over. It makes you seem like one of those cartoony guys who blows his nose in $100 bills.

Of course, I didn't read the whole article. It wasn't what I was looking for.

I was looking at the blog I kept while I was preggo with Spencer and took note that I felt him move around 16 weeks which is where I am right now. Then, from pictures, I saw the noticeable belly I had at 16 weeks...and even at 14 weeks. I know you can't compare one pregnancy to the next but it really did get the wheels in my skull moving (not the same as "Wheels In the Sky", my most hated Journey song):

1. I am not showing at all. I know this can have a lot to do with how much weight I lost from the Hyperemesis but even the tiny belly I DO have is all squish. There's no firmness or shape to it at all. It's like I had a few donuts or something. When I lay in bed at night, I feel like there's more gut but I don't know. Even my mom said she doesn't believe there's anything in there. Maybe I should be happy to be small??? And I haven't felt him move. I really shouldn't flip about that. I'm just making a mental note.

2. I am STILL spotting. Delicious, no? I don't mean to be graphic but this is part of it all. I had the CVS procedure on 3/22, spotted for 2 days, and then it stopped just as I was told it would/should. On 3/28, the spotting started again and HASN'T stopped. I saw my doctor that day and Baby Sully's heartbeat was good and strong. But a lot of days have passed since then. I figured that if I were miscarrying at this point, there would really be something to see (or feel). There's very minimal spotting and it's definitely old blood...but it's there. Every day. Freaking me out.

3. Besides getting really, really, painfully tired in the evening, I don't feel pregnant. When I was experiencing the Hyperemesis, I KNEW I was pregnant. Holy cow. Now...nothing really. I feel like I always feel...except around 6:00, I feel like I was run over by an 18 wheeler and I do get up once during the night to empty my tank. I'm in the 2nd trimester so that could all just be part of the Honeymoon period, but it concerns me. I'm super on the lookout.

I'm probably making mountains out of mole hills (moles freak me out, by the creepy) but I just don't want anything to go wrong with the pregnancy. Getting the thumbs-up after the CVS took so much stress off my rickety shoulders, but there are plenty of other things that could go wrong. And a very BASIC thing would be that the test itself caused a miscarriage. I doubt that it did and the bleeding is probably from the blood clot they saw.

I'm just freaking out. This is the place where I'm free to do that.

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