I've been very emotional the past few days. I know it comes along with the territory of being pregnant but it's a new feeling as I didn't have mood swings with Spencer. And it's not even that I'm having mood swings, per se. I'm just very sensitive to certain things, especially things having to do with children.
I saw an article about a little boy that is dying and his parents are trying to do the 81 things on his bucket list first. And there was another article about a little boy with Leukemia (too close for comfort) who loved the Marines. They made him an honorary member and one soldier insisted on standing watch outside his room for 8 hours before he died. On the radio they were talking about some broad in Florida who shot and killed her 4 kids. And there was a documentary about Andrea Yates who drown her kids in the bathtub. It's too much for my heart and brain to take!
Hell, I even had a mini-breakdown over an episode of Private Practice where one of the doctors was carrying a baby without a brain. When she delivered, they showed the baby and she took off his little beanie to expose his smooshed head. I cried sooooo hard that I had to stop feeding Spencer his bottle and just hug him for like 5 minutes straight.
And forget Law and Order: SVU. That show is OFF LIMITS. FOREVER!
Even blogging can stir up some unwanted emotions because you can go back and relive any moment that you've recorded. I like to go to back to the blog from Spencer's pregnancy from time to time to compare notes. What was going on when I was 22 weeks with Spencer? When did I feel him move? What did my body look like right before he was born? That part is all fun stuff.
But there's some un-fun, for sure. I forced myself to read the entries from the day AFTER Spencer was born until I abandoned ship over there. Ouch. Lots of ouch. I think I've grown leaps-n-bounds since then and I think I've handled everything ten times better than I thought I would/could. But I threw myself into being the best mom possible for Spencer trying to block out any pain, which doesn't necessarily make it any easier to remember those first days and weeks.
Particularly hard to read was, "I want to wake up from this nightmare. And I want Spencer to be there...and to be OK". It was even hard to retype just now.
I always feel 110% better when I see Spencer after these little spurts of emo-ness. Yesterday, I couldn't WAIT to pick him up from the babysitter. And we got some extra awesome snuggle time as he fell asleep in my arms in the big bed and just snoozed up there with me for awhile. It's amazing how any bad feelings just totally dissolve. Like he refuses to let me feel sad. It's my job to take care of him but he takes care of me, too.
And off the emotional topic, I think I'm starting to have Round Ligament Pains again. At least, I HOPE that's what they are because I'm having some sharp abdominal pains and I am not loving them at all. I had them with Spencer and was trying to figure out when (which is how I ended up on the old blog). I'm so worried that something could still go wrong with Sullivan that my brain is in a bit of a tizzy. But I'm pretty sure it's just RLP (hey, my dad's initials!) that I'm blowing out of proportion. I'll bring it up at my appointment next Friday.
Outside of all that, life is gravy. Looking forward to taking Spencer to C-Bus on Sunday!