Spencer has recently been making this fake gasping noise. I hate it. It's like when he was fake coughing. Well, on the drive home from the babysitters yesterday, he started making the noise and I was like, "Spencer, you know I hate that sound", as if that would do any good. But he was making it over and over again so I pulled my car over like a maniac and hopped out like a mad woman.
By the time I had opened the door, he had thrown up and there was something that looked like a tiny piece of felt on his chest. It turns out it was a coupon (no clue how he got it because he can't reach out of the seat and I don't clip coupons...it had to have gotten IN his seat somehow). The uneaten portion was all crumpled up in his lap.
He was fine. Me, not so much. The rest of the way home, I was flipping about every little squeak he made, and also when he DIDN'T make any noise. But he really was fine. He coughed a little for the rest of the evening but overall, he's unfazed.
That was bad but that wasn't the worst part of my day.
And let me preface this by saying I know everyone has the right to their opinion, to freedom of speech, and I KNOW that EVERYTHING will offend SOMEONE. I am also plenty aware that I've said things in my life that were horrible and that probably made someone feel horrible. But sometimes something happens in your own life and certain things aren't funny anymore. They weren't funny then but you don't really get it until it happens to you.
Yesterday via stupid social networking, I saw a comment a friend of mine had left on a photograph. He wasn't saying anything directly to me, it just showed up on my page and the photo itself drew me in so I looked to see what he said. Well, it turns out that what he said broke my heart into a million pieces. Without getting into too much detail, I'll just say that I could easily relate it to Spencer and that's all it took.
Many, many of you know Spencer's situation so when I tell you that the word "Eugenics" was used in one of the comments (a science that deals with the improvement, as by control of human mating, of hereditary qualities of a race or breed...think Nazi Germany), I hope that makes you as sick as it made me. And it made me SICK.
I'm sure this person was just trying to be funny or provocative. And maybe he doesn't even know Spencer's whole deal because I don't broadcast all the details. But it stung so horribly. It made me think that if you took away the fact that I know this guy, if he was just a stranger mouthing off...these are the people Spencer might have to deal with when he grows up. These are the people that are going to make fun of him.
To me, Spencer is perfect. He is adorable and sweet and smart and tries harder than anyone I know without even realizing it. He is motivated and funny and bursting with personality and he makes each of my days brighter. There is NOTHING about him that needs to be manipulated or improved. Sure, I wish he had better muscle tone and do I wish he got dealt a different set of cards? Sure. But I wouldn't trade him for the world. The world is LUCKY TO HAVE HIM.
That being said, and reminding you that I know everyone has the right to say and feel whatever they choose, I had to delete said friend from my cyber-life. He is actually the second person I've deleted because I simply just don't need that stuff rubbed in my face all the time. This is my reality, not just a picture on a website. Not wanting to see you make what I think are stupid and ignorant comments is my choice and it most likely won't affect you at all.
But what you said made me cry myself to sleep last night.
Maybe this all sounds like a lot of babble and ramble and some of you may even find it stupid. I know what was said wasn't THAT big of a deal and I acknowledge that I've probably said something crummy that hurt someones feelings in the past. But there is no need for me to keep negativity in my life. Especially when it has to do with something as stupid as Facebook, you know?
So that's how my good day went south, carrying over to today.
That helped though. It's good to have sisters.