The Phone Call: It's Going To Be a Long Week

The phone call I have dreaded, but never really expected to receive, came last night as I was cooking dinner.

Spencer had his Oncology clinic visit on Wednesday and while everything initially looked good (and he, himself, seemed great), the blood smear isn't read for abnormal cells/blasts until the next day. So we got to enjoy our Halloween and then everything fell apart yesterday.

His doc told me that his white blood cell count had dropped a little but that could've been from the clots that ended up on the slide. But one thing that wasn't from the clots was the presence of blasts in his blood. Yep, the abnormal cells are back. I'm not sure for certain what this means besides the fact that it CAN'T be the pre-Leukemic condition that he had. Once that resolves, it's gone.

I have to bring Spencer back into the clinic next Wednesday for more tests. Just another blood draw for now. But while we're there, they will determine if he needs to have a bone marrow biopsy. This is terrifying to me for 2 reasons:

1. I'm fairly certain they get the bone marrow sample from the hip or sternum and that it's extremely painful for adults, let alone 15 month old boys. Thinking about them doing this to my baby makes me physically ill.

2. If they're considering looking at the bone marrow, they're looking for Leukemia. I knew he'd be at risk to get full-blown acute Leukemia but I never thought it would really happen. He's been dealt such a junky card, I just hoped he'd catch a break.

Now of course, they may not even need to do the biopsy. But with the appearance of the blasts...I mean, the fact that they're back is NOT good. You Google "blasts" and all sorts of Leukemia stuff pops up. I don't think (but I don't KNOW) that they can signify anything else. I guess I'll find out on Wednesday. Todd's birthday. 2 years in a row he had a dramatic birthday. Last year, I had surgery to remove a kidney stone, and now this. This is FAR more painful to me.

All of my friends and family, those who know since we only found out 12 hours ago, have been very supportive. They've offered support, thoughts, prayers, vibes, blood products, and bone marrow! While I don't want to get ahead of ourselves, it's nice to have that safety net. And it's also semi-comforting to know that Sully's cord blood is hanging out in Phoenix just in case we ever needed it. Looks like that possibility just became more real.

I wish I knew more and could share more with you but I don't. He is my best pal, the love of my life, and I'm supposed to protect him from hurt. I've had a LOT of friends deal with cancer but with the exception of 1 awesome little dude, they were all adults, better capable of understanding what was happening. And it was difficult and heartbreaking and painful for THEM. If it turns out to be Leukemia...he's not even a year and a half OLD! How can he understand any of this? I don't even understand. All I understand, and I understand it well, is that his pre-Leukemic condition was associated with his other condition and we did that to him. We decided to have a baby and at conception, his genes were what they are. We did this to him.

The doctor is supposed to call today or Monday because they're running a lengthier scan on the blood they took from him this week. But I can't remember what they're looking for...I think it had to do with the white blood cells. Nothing that would help explain the blasts. She brought up the bone marrow biopsy more than once and apologized for calling with "such bad news" twice.

This is bad news.